Monday, September 17, 2012
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I Think I Can! I Think I Can. I Think I Can? |
As if working on school literally 12 hours a day wasn't already stressful enough, Hubby had to switch shifts at work over the weekend which has completely obscured our schedules and any hope of ever sleeping in the same bed together. I hate it. Our normal schedule is: Hubby gets up around 5:30 and showers, gets me up around 5:45, and then he is off for work by 6:00...a.m. that is. I start my coffee pot, half blinded in my sleeping stupor, and make my way into my office to begin working on school. Ten hours elapse, my Hubby is home, dinner is made by 6, we hang out, take Diezel for a walk, work on school/he works on studying for his little airman test that I can't remember the name of right now because it is too early, etc. until 9:30. We, together, both of us go to sleep, I cuddle with Grizzly around 4 AM the next morning and repeat. We had it down pat - our schedule was a well-oiled machine. You would think I would have learned by now that it is a law of military life that you are never allowed to be actually comfortable with your life. As soon as you are adjusted, a curve ball gets shot your way and you have to try to figure out how to piece everything back together for the sake of some sanity...again. Our schedules, as of yesterday, now look like this: I wake up...alone...at 6 AM to a dark, creepy house, make coffee, work on school until 8 AM when Hubby gets home, he goes to sleep until 4-5 PM, wakes up, we eat dinner, I go to bed around 9:30, he goes to work around 9:45 PM, and repeat. At first it sounded great because I was like "Heyyyy - I'll get all of this extra time with you home since you will be working when I sleep!" until I realized that Hubby also had to have sleep in order to function.
I hate change. To boot, I've been feeling indescribably lonely lately. After attempting to hang out with a couple of spouses and having them bail on me, I just don't feel like trying anymore. As much as he tries to, Hubby doesn't understand how I feel - he can't understand how I feel because he has never been there. He gets to go to work every day and be around people - socializing is just kind of a given for him. I am in the house all day working on school - no human contact other than Hubby and sometimes the mailman. It's depressing. I think I'm depressed. Some days I'm okay, but others it's just like, if someone would have told me that this lifestyle was this lonely, I definitely would have thought twice about getting married young and being swept off into the military lifestyle right off the bat. What's a girl gotta do to make some freaking friends around here? I mean for real! My interweb spouse buddies can only do so much - I want someone to go shopping with, to meet up with for coffee, to share recipes with, to be able to call just to talk - someone who understands how I feel! This post is making me feel even more crappy about the situation...I'm going to go transcribe/edit a million more reports done by doctors who barely speak Engrish. Thanks for sticking with me throughout my bloggy hiatus - unfortunately, school work has to take precedence right now :-/
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Oh my goodness.... I am a young military spouse also and I have dealt with so many of the same feelings you are having. For a while we only had one car and my husband would go to work and I would be stuck at the house alone and our dishwasher was broken so I would do the dishes alone and just CRY and CRY and CRY about how much I felt i was living my absolute nightmare. Being a stay at home wife was NEVER my dream.
ReplyDeleteI've also had so many problems trying to make friends with other spouses. People will tell me to text them or call them to hang out but then when I do I won't get a response or the person will be busy.
It's exhausting! I don't understand why it is so difficult to make friends!
Keep your head up lady.
I'm finally starting to make a life for myself and feel happier everyday, but it has definitely taken time.